Sooner Blue

"President Obama told the nation ‘The state of our union is strong,’ while Newt Gingrich told his wife, 'The state of our union is open.'" –Conan O'Brien

"A new website just came out that’s designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call there and say, 'I'll be there in five teachers.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Last night folks, Republicans held their eighteenth debate. The question on everyone's mind: Who cares?" –Stephen Colbert

"After Iowa and New Hampshire, Newt's campaign looked terminally ill, which is when he generally moves on to something better." –Stephen Colbert

"We were ready for Romney to win the Republican nomination, so we had our puns ready: 'Bright Lights, Big Mitty,' 'Mittizen Bain,' and "Mormon-y, Less Problems." But then ... 'The Gingrich Who Stole South Carolina.'" –Jon Stewart

"Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows." –Conan O'Brien

"Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich was cheating on his second wife while he was prosecuting Bill Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky thing. In other words, Newt puts the 'hippo' in 'Hypocrite.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"During a debate, Mitt Romney said he grew up in the real streets of America. Yes, the real streets, where people pull up next to you and ask if you have any Grey Poupon." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Newt Gingrich served divorce papers on his first wife while she was dying of cancer. Today his second wife went all divorce court on his ass, saying after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, he asked her to have an open marriage, while publicly touting the sanctity of traditional marriage. His new slogan is "Open your legs, America."" –Jon Stewart

"A new poll says 84% of Americans disapprove of Congress' job. The other 16% weren't aware Congress was doing one." –Jay Leno

"Rick Perry dropped out. He said while it’s sad he won’t be president, he can always run again next year." –Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich's ex-wife went on nightline and said that he wanted to have an open marriage. This is the second wife, talking about him when he was fooling around with what became the third wife. Newt wanted apparently to have his wife and his marriage and also women on the side giving him oral sex. This way he could be nice and relaxed when he went to work and accused blacks of feeling entitled." –Bill Maher

"I have not seen anything this surreal since they cancelled 'Twin Peaks.' What else can you say about a Republican debate when the rich guy, who’s avoiding taxes – which they like, gets booed and the fat creep into threesomes gets a standing ovation?" –Bill Maher, on Romney and Gingrich in the CNN debate

"Newt was mad. He said 'I am not a philanderer; I am a blow job creator.'" –Bill Maher

"Newt said this is despicable to ask these questions. Why are we dwelling on the past? We should be concentrating on the future and putting America's children back to work." –Bill Maher

"Meanwhile, at the debate, Mitt Romney's got a look on his face like, 'Three women at once? Who's the Mormon in this race?'" –Bill Maher

"I thought the race was over; I thought Mitt Romney had closed it. You know for a guy that is supposed to be a great business man, he sure can’t close the deal. And now it looks like Mitt vs. Newt; Alien vs. Predator." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: Someone has to tell Francesco Schettino that embracing a callous policy of "every man for himself" doesn't make you a sea captain. It makes you the Republican nominee." -Bill Maher

"New Rule: The NAACP must take Newt Gingrich up on his offer to stand in front of the their convention and tell them why black people should want jobs instead food stamps. This way I can finally answer a question that's been bugging me for years: can Newt Gingrich run?" –Bill Maher

That's what we used to say as kids to describe a weak attack .. it fits Mitt Romney's attacks on Newt Gingrich during last night's NBC debate in Florida .. the GOP's 18th debate.

Mitt fell flat .. he is just not an attack dog like Newt. Someone said that Mormons are raised to be humble and respectful. Whatever, meanness doesn't seem to be in his nature.

Newt also fell flat.

There was no sports arena atmosphere. No applause .. no whistling, cheering standing ovations. None of which benefited Newt .. who needs feedback to fire him up.

So Newt was more subdued .. it was like someone finally convinced him that to win the general election he needs people beyond right-wingers

When Newt's not attacking, he's losing .. because without it people start to wonder why they like him.

The White House hasn't stopped laughing since last Saturday's SC primary.

It would make me happy if Newt actually wins this thing .. then the country will get to see the Republican Radical Right up close and personal .. then it can spin itself into oblivion and out of our national fabric.

It’s the only up side of Newt.

Then maybe the GOP will be able to rebuild itself as the Party of Lincoln .. and while we're at it, how about a little makeover for the Democratic Party, make it more like the party of FDR

"Mitt Romney is saying his comments about liking to fire people were taken out of context. Yeah, what he actually said was he likes to set poor people on fire." –Conan O'Brien

"When Rick Perry heard that, he said, 'Well that's nothing. I like to execute people.'" –David Letterman

"Yesterday Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopped by the White House. There was an awkward moment when they tried to adopt President Obama." –Conan O'Brien

"In New Hampshire, the Republican primary election took place. New Hampshire voters gathered to decide which middle-aged white guy looked best in a pair of pleated Dockers." –Jimmy Kimmel

"After Iowa and New Hampshire, Mitt Romney's campaign is now two for two. After his performance last night, Rick Perry's campaign merchandise is now two for one." –Jimmy Fallon

"This GOP race is heating up with the intensity of an Easy-Bake Oven." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Rick Perry was philosophical about it. He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at least it's giving him a chance to learn the names of all the states." –Jay Leno

"Jon Huntsman finished third ... and he said he's happy with the momentum he gained this week. You know it's got to be fun being a politician. You can spin everything. … Your plane is crashing and you're saying, 'We're happy to be landing ahead of schedule.'" –Jay Leno

"The thing I don't like about Romney is that he's not funny. For a while, the field was looking promising for late night comedians." –Craig Ferguson

"I came up with a great slogan for Romney. "It's time to Mitt or get off the pot." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Ron Paul said he's 'nibbling at mitt Romney's heels.' At 76 years old, I hope somebody's cutting Romney's heels into bite-sized pieces for him." –Craig Ferguson

"Ron Paul finished second. ... Paul says if he can sustain those kind of numbers ... and if his message continues to resonate ... and if Mitt Romney gets hit with a dump truck, he could still win this thing." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I'm having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything's all right." –David Letterman

"Nation, unless you live in a cave, I'm sure you've heard that yesterday's New Hampshire primary was won by Mitt Romney. And if you do live in a cave, I'm guessing you voted for Ron Paul." –Stephen Colbert

"Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement." –Conan O'Brien

"You know the difference between Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Tim Tebow? When God tells Tim Tebow to run, he wins." –Jay Leno

"During the debates I drank a shot every time I heard the word 'contraception.' I was more wasted than a contribution to Jon Huntsman." –Stephen Colbert

"The defense department is trying to find out who leaked information to filmmakers making a movie about the killing of Osama bin Laden. Even worse, the name of the movie is 'Harold and Kumar Kill Osama.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier to remember, whenever they brush their teeth." –Conan O'Brien

"I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there." –Craig Ferguson

[a tip of the hat to Daniel Kurtzman, CBS, NBC, ABC, TBS, HBO, and Comedy Central]

Newt Gingrich must've lost his "positive campaign" strategy back there in the Iowa cornfields .. because he is pissed, thinks Romney attack ads lost him Iowa .. and everybody knows that when Newt gets mad, he gets personal .. he can do the Mother of all mean, nasty attack ads.

And, all of a sudden, Newt has $3.4 million PAQ money for "anonymous sources" to spend on those attack ads .. trashing Romney in New Hampshire, etc. .. demanding that Mitt tell the public more about Bain Capital .. about how he operated as a venture capitalist.

Read more here:

"A "super PAC" backing Newt Gingrich will try to portray Mitt Romney as a greedy corporate raider with $3.4 million in radio and TV ads running in South Carolina starting Wednesday. ..."

Not all New Hampshire voters like this negative style. Someone at a town hall meeting scolded Newt for playing politics like a suicide bomber.

Hey, the more Newt savages Mitt, the more he exposes Mitt's lies and "pious baloney," the more we Democrats clap our hands with glee. He's doing our work for us .. practically writing all our campaign ads verbatim.

"I'm Barack Obama and I thank Newt Gingrich for this message"

And I still say that Newt threw his hat in the ring just so he could sell books and CDs .. he was probably shocked that he actually made it to the lead .. his ego plumped up .. then Mitt took him down .. which made Newt so mad he wants to destroy Mitt .. no matter that he takes the Republican party down with him.