25 Rules For Being A Good Republican
1) You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3) You have to be against government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate opposite-gender marriages and what your official language should be.
5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.
9) You believe Jesus loves you, and by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
11) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is good for business.
12)You have to believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.
16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.
17) You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.
18) You have to believe that "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.
20) You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that Clinton should be impeached.
22) You have to believe that drug addiction is a moral failing and a crime, unless the addict is a millionaire conservative radio jock which then makes it an "illness" and he needs our prayers for his "recovery".
23) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.
24) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMOs and insurance companies have your best interests at heart.
25) You have to believe that giving free health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but giving free health care to Americans is socialism.
(I googled all over the Net trying to find the author .. apparently there are many.)
