Sooner Be Blue

 

"What will the Republican presidential campaign look like without Karl Rove? Probably the same as it would have with him. Warnings about Mexicans, warnings about Arabs, and warnings about gays. They're trying ot come over the border, they're trying to come over the oceans, they're trying to come over your back." --Bill Maher

 

"I guess it's no wonder that a poll out this summer put 'None of the Above' over all of the other Republican candidates. And if 'None of the Above' does get the Republican nomination, you know two things will happen: a) the Democrats will find a way to lose to him, and b) Bush will try to call and congratulate him." --Bill Maher

 

"We know Washington, DC, was very shaken when news that Karl Rove, the man whose mouthful advisory teats have fed so many Beltway insiders these past six and a half years, was capping the spigot and moving on. ... But before leaving for good -- and I use the term literally -- last week, Rove went on his farewell tour to defend himself and his president [on screen: Rove saying that Bush's critics are 'elite, effete snobs']. Yeah! Who are these effete, elite snobs who criticize Bush, these snobs with their Ivy League degrees, entertaining French guests at their family estates on the New England coast [on screen: a photo of Bush and French President Nicolas Sarkozy in Kennebunkport]... oooh, right." --Jon Stewart

 

"But that was just the start. Chris Wallace got Karl Rove's Sunday morning talk show tour going [on screen: FNC's Wallace saying, 'Let's take a look at some of Karl Rove's greatest hits']. Ohh, I just bought that on K-Tel! 'Karl Rove's Greatest Hits,' including 'John McCain's Black Baby,' 'Max Cleland: The One-Limbed Pussy,' 'The Queers Are Coming,' and, of course, 'Schiavo-A-Go-Go.' No need to call now, your phones have already been tapped." --Jon Stewart

 

"Indiana Congressman Mike Pence hit the nail on the head. If there's one thing that everyone I've talked to can agree on, it's that Iraq is exactly like an Indiana market in the summertime. ... This is the sort of place where people don't even lock their doors at night. Heck, most people don't even have doors" --Daily Show correspondent Rob Riggle in Iraq

 

"One of the president's daughters, the lovely Jenna Bush, is getting married. Now they're thinking, if they can just marry off Condoleezza Rice. Yea, it looks pretty good that Jenna's getting married, but first the guy has to be confirmed by Congress. ... It's going to be an expensive wedding. I guess it's no surprise, the $3 billion contract went to Halliburton." --David Letterman

 

From David Letterman's Top 10 Good Things About Marrying into the Bush Family: # 1: "Little chance you'll be the dumbest guy in the family"

 

"Presidential advisor Karl Rove has resigned. Were you aware about that -- he's resigned. He says he wants to spend more time leaking information about his family." --David Letterman

 

"It's been announced that White House adviser Karl Rove will not be creating the day-to-day policy for the president anymore. You all know Karl Rove, he's the man they call Bush's brain. No, that's what they call him, Bush's brain. Now he's only going to be working part of the time, just like Bush's brain." --Jay Leno

 

"You like presidential birthdays? Oh! Who doesn't. Well, over the weekend former president Bill Clinton turned 61, 61! Happy birthday Bill. Bill enjoyed a romantic candlelight dinner and dancing, then he went home to Hillary" --David Letterman

 

"Man, do we have a show for you tonight. Senator John McCain will be in the studio tonight making his 250th appearance. One more and he gets to host, and I get to go to the Senate." --Jon Stewart

 

"I don't know if Mitt Romney can be elected ... because Americans take their faith very seriously, and since most people don't subscribe to the Mormon faith, they are a little suspicious of a guy who believes in something called celestial marriage, which means that if you're very good to your wife while you are married here on Earth, when you die, you and your wife get to rule over an entire planet." --Bill Maher

 

"It's not really about Al Gore, you know. It's not. It's about losing the polar ice caps and then the seas rising and then losing Venice and losing Holland and losing Manhattan and losing New Orleans and losing Florida, and that's why I believe Al Gore because if there's one thing he knows it's losing Florida." --Bill Maher