Sooner Be Blue

"I've been thinking about something, do you think it's too soon to be hitting on Mrs. Eliot Spitzer?" --David Letterman

"The big, the new scandal breaking here in New York, Eliot Spitzer apparently involved in some kind of prostitution activities -- you know what that means?: Hookers. And right now, Spitzer is huddling with his advisers to develop a drinking problem." --David Letterman

"Did you happen to see the press conference, very dramatic. Eliot Spitzer was there, he had yellow crime scene tape draped around his pants, it was crazy." --David Letterman

"Here's what happened, it was one of those sting deals. And they caught Eliot Spitzer, Gov. Spitzer, with a wire, recording him soliciting a prostitute. And I'm thinking, 'Holy cow, we can't get Bin Laden, but we got Spitzer. We got Sptizer.'" --David Letterman

"But here's the lesson, ladies and gentlemen, this is why I always wear a fake mustache and pay cash." --David Letterman

"The thinking is the governor may step down now to spend less time with his family. The good thing is, he was caught soliciting a hooker, but on the bright side, it did not involve an airport men's room." --David Letterman

"How about that presidential race, you excited about that? We're gonna have a new president. How 'bout that John McCain? I like that John McCain. But he, uh, John McCain and his campaign received a serious setback ... a couple of days ago he was endorsed by President Bush." --David Letterman

"I do, I like that John McCain, he looks like a guy who waits all day for the mail to come. He looks like a guy who's dating your mom. He looks like one of those guys who calls the waitress 'Toots'" --David Letterman

"You know they said on the news today, neither Barack nor Hillary can win the nomination outright. You know, because it's so close. So Hillary's kind of caught between Barack and a hard place." --Jay Leno

"Technically, neither of them can win. It shows you how bad it's gotten for the Democrats. Forget winning the general election, they can't even win their own election." --Jay Leno

"You know, there's talk in some Democratic circles of letting the states of Michigan and Florida re-vote. Today, Al Gore said, 'Oh, now you think of this! Great!'" --Jay Leno

"They're talking about a re-vote primary where people would mail in their ballots. That's a great idea, combine the reliability of the people in Florida who count the ballots with the efficiency of the Post Office. What could go wrong there?" --Jay Leno

"Here's some great news, today they found the source of all global warming in America -- New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's pants." --Jay Leno

"This is the guy who vowed to clean up New York. But to be fair, he did bring prostitution to its knees one girl at a time." --Jay Leno

"So you gotta be fair. It's not good, some of these girls charged the governor up to $5,000 an hour. And when he heard that, today Sen. Larry Craig said, 'I would've done the guy for free -- This is more government waste. We can take care of these problems internally.'" --Jay Leno

"According to the FBI wiretap, they had the transcript, Gov. Spitzer was listed as Client No.9. No. 9? He's the governor, who were the eight guys in front of him? You'd think as governor, you'd at least get to go first." --Jay Leno

"Big news, of course, this Friday, President Bush is going to be in New York City to give a speech on the U.S. economy. Speech is made up of only two words -- It blows. Get in, get out." --Conan O'Brien

"John McCain just announced that later this month he might take a trip to Iraq. ... Which might be a bad idea, because the last time McCain went to a war zone we didn't hear from him for five years." --Conan O'Brien

"Of course, the big story tonight, known to anyone with a television, or a Google alert set to 'prostitute.' (on screen: Eliot Spitzer press conference). Eliot Spitzer, the law and order governor of New York, caught soliciting sexual favors from a prostitute. Interestingly enough, he was caught on a wiretap, the kind most likely authorized by the law and order governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer. Oops" --Jon Stewart

"Tonight, Hillary Clinton says the states she's won are bigger than Obama's. I say it's not the size that counts but whether it's shaped like Florida." --Stephen Colbert

"New York Post, I call dibs on 'Eliot Mess.' ... Huge news today. ... New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has admitted involvement with a prostitution ring. ... I just hope the press deals with this tastefully (On screen: Picture of Spitzer, Headline: WHORES!)" --Stephen Colbert