Late-night jokes recap 6/19
"Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama for president. How about that? Political experts say this is great, because it gives the Obama campaign a much-needed shot of boredom." --David Letterman
"And now, of course, going head-to-head you have Barack Obama and John McCain. They're already putting together debates. Here's how it will be. Barack Obama says after each question, he wants a one-minute response. And John McCain says after each question he wants a five-minute nap. That's the way that's going to go down." --David Letterman
"Barack Obama's staff and John McCain's staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. That's good, yeah. Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before 'Wheel of Fortune.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Speaking of Barack Obama, yesterday, Barack Obama said, if he becomes president, he will replace the White House bowling alleys because it's something he would never use. That's what he said, yeah. Yeah, apparently, this is the same reason President Bush got rid of the White House library." --Conan O'Brien
"And in political news, Barack Obama was endorsed by Al Gore at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit yesterday. I tell you something, you could feel the excitement in the room. It was unbelievable. And then Al Gore walked in." --Jay Leno
"And a New York congressman by the name of Anthony Weiner has introduced a bill to grant immigrant visas to supermodels that want to come here. See, this will clear up the problem of supermodels hanging out in front of Home Depot all day looking for work." --Jay Leno
"Hey, remember Elian Gonzalez, the Cuban boy that came here and then was sent back home? Well, he's now 14 years old and has joined Cuba's Young Communist Union, which is the second most popular organization for Cubans to join, after the New York Yankees." --Jay Leno
"In a recent interview, President Bush acknowledged that he has had some regrets about his presidency. He says you don't get a second chance to do things over in his line of work. Really? What was that second term all about? Wasn't that supposed to be the chance to fix all this?" --Jay Leno
"Tonight, we're going to examine the audacity of fear. You know, there's an awful lot to be afraid of in the world. Terrorists, tomatoes. ... There's one emerging fear that trumps all others. Baracknophobia. It is defined as the irrational fear of hope." --Jon Stewart
"It's already having a ripple effect, this gay marriage thing. In fact, since it was instituted, marriage proposals to Liza Minnelli have dropped 65 percent." --Jay Leno
"Some say gay marriage will soon be an everyday event as common as, like, a Pamela Anderson marriage." --Jay Leno
"Well, you see, unlike Massachusetts, California has no residency requirement for marriage, so a lot of gays from out of state can come here and get married. In fact, if you're gay, and you can prove you're in the country illegally, they'll not only give you a gay marriage license, they'll give you a California driver's license." --Jay Leno
"And Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa announced he will happily perform gay weddings. And believe me, if you know our mayor, you know how seriously he takes those wedding vows." --Jay Leno
