Sooner Be Blue

Hey, you know that Wells Fargo stagecoach you see in the commercials? I saw it heading out of town today, 100 miles an hour.

Oh, I went to my bank today. You know the toasters the give you when you open a new account? They asked for it back. That’s how bad it is.

It’s bad out there. I went up to the window; they had a sign, "Teller Carries No More Than $20 Cash."

When it comes to the economy, President Bush, no help at all. Like when reporters asked him today what he thought about A.I.G., he said he got Showtime and HBO but he really didn’t get the whole package.

And the stock market was up 400 points today. Or as Democrats call that, "Terrible news! That’s horrible!"

Barack Obama said today, again, he wants to raise taxes on the rich, provided if, by November, anyone is still rich.

Well, that seems to be a theme. In a speech today, Joe Biden said that paying higher taxes is patriotic. In fact, do you know what the Republican strategy on Joe Biden is? Let him keep talking.

Big story in USA Today. They said the days of easy money are over. Well, I’ll bet the C.E.O.’s of the oil companies had a big laugh over that.

And the Democratic-controlled Congress says they’re going to adjourn for the rest of the year. This is true. The Senate majority leader said, regarding the financial crisis, no one knows what to do. Well there’s a ringing endorsement to re-elect them, huh? "Hey, good luck! You’re on your own! We’re leaving!"

Hillary Clinton canceled an appearance at an upcoming rally next week in New York after learning that Sarah Palin would be there. And ironically, Bill Clinton had previously canceled after finding out Hillary would be there.

Computer hackers have broken into Gov. Sarah Palin’s private e-mail account and posted information from it on a Web site. And of course, Sen. McCain, furious about this breach in security. But again, you know, he’s not that computer literate. Like when he heard about the break-in, he ordered Secret Service agents to guard her computer so this never happens again.

Actually, Sarah Palin is not the only famous person to have her e-mail account hacked into. This is a huge problem. Here are some other e-mails that have been leaked. This one’s from Barack Obama. Can we show that e-mail? "Because of tough economic times we face, I believe the next fundraiser should be reduced to only $20,000 a plate."

Now, this was found in Joe Biden’s in-box. "You can swim in it, you can shower with it, you can comb it, and it feels just like your own hair."

Well here’s a mass e-mailing we found that was sent out by the chairman of A.I.G., the insurance company: "I’m a businessman living in Nigeria with millions of dollars in an offshore account. I need your help to get it out."

Hey, anybody see Sarah Palin on the Fox News show, "Hannity & Colmes"? Here’s my question. What happened to Colmes? Wasn’t he supposed to be the Democrat? What, did he get shipped to Guantanamo?

Actually, Sarah Palin has written a children’s book that just came out today. It’s called "Good Night Moose."

Well, the Olive Garden and Red lobster announced they’re going to have to raise prices to keep up with the economy. But things are O.K. because today, John McCain said, "Unlimited bread sticks are still fundamentally sound."

And some sad news yesterday in Malibu. Actor Ryan O’Neal and his son were arrested after authorities found methamphetamines in their home. Man. The good news, since it’s Malibu, there’s a rehab center right across the street.