Late-night jokes recap 9/6
"Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn't know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain." --Jay Leno
"I gotta admit, she looked very comfortable at the podium 'cause it's kinda like Alaska: you look out on that convention floor, nothing but white as far as the eye can see." --Jay Leno
"Palin said that John McCain had seen evil, but I didn’t even know Dick Cheney was at the convention." --Jay Leno
"And they said that Governor Palin was coached by some of John McCain’s senior advisers. Senior advisers? The guy is 72. How old are these guys? … Are they left over from the Bull Moose Party?" --Jay Leno
"In her speech, Sarah Palin mocked Obama…for giving speeches in front of adoring crowds and standing in front of a stage backdrop. Ironically, Palin did so in front of an adoring crowd standing in front of a stage backdrop." --Jay Leno
"No, Palin had everybody mesmerized. Even Senator Larry Craig said he was glued to his toilet seat." --Jay Leno
"They say Palin’s speech was written by George Bush’s speechwriter, which was great for that guy because he finally got a chance to use some big words." --Jay Leno
"She said at her church, Governor Palin, said she asked everyone to pray for a natural gas pipeline, which she said was God’s will. And today, God said, "Hey lady, I don't deal with oil companies. That's more Satan's area.'" --Jay Leno
"I guess there are some problems with Palin, though. Have you heard about this 'Troopergate' scandal? Palin allegedly…used her power as governor to pressure officials to fire her former brother-in-law from his state trooper job. Now, maybe I’m wrong, but wasn’t that an episode of 'Dukes of Hazzard?'" --Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin also said that when she was governor, it was not uncommon for her to bring her children to work with her. But it is not going to work out bringing kids to the White House. McCain yelling out the window, 'Get off the lawn!'" --Jay Leno
"One of the big themes for convention speakers was that we need to elect a Republican that will go in and clean up the mess in Washington. I think that’s a great lesson for kids -- always clean up your own mess." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has many views. She says she's opposed to same-sex marriage. Did you know that? Yeah, Palin says everyone knows marriage isn't for gay people; it's for pregnant teenagers." --Conan O'Brien
"We're learning more and more about John McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin. ... It turns out Sarah Palin, a life-time member of the National Rifle Association, and a firm believer in shotgun weddings." --Jay Leno
"Well the good news: John McCain raised $47 million in the month of August. The bad news? He can't remember where he put it." --Jay Leno
"Did you see Sarah Palin standing next to McCain at the podium the other day when he introduced her? Didn't it look like one of those commercials where the daughter is trying to find a nice home to put Dad in? 'We'd like someplace quiet.'" --Jay Leno
"Republicans think she's a pretty good running mate for McCain. They feel she can bring in women voters, she's got a good conservative voting record, and she doesn't mind eating dinner at 4:30, and that's important." --Jay Leno
"It turns out Governor Palin is a lifelong member of the NRA and a life-time hunter. Another vice president who's a hunter. What could go wrong there?" --Jay Leno
"She also admitted she has smoked marijuana, but she did not enjoy it. Isn't that amazing? Something like 100 million Americans have smoked marijuana, but the only ones who don't seem to enjoy it are the ones running for office. Why is that?" --Jay Leno
"Well, John Edwards, who was scheduled to speak in October at the University of Illinois, has raised his speaking fee from $55,000 to $65,000. Well, he has another mouth to feed. And another mouth he has to keep quiet." --Jay Leno
"And you've got to love this: Sarah Palin is an avid hunter. An avid hunter. A vice president who likes guns? Well, what could go wrong there? That's all you need, right?" --David Letterman