Sooner Be Blue

Mostly politics, a few current events, a squirt of seltzer down yer pants .. a little blog for my rambles and rants.

2008/5/31

Bill Maher's New Rules

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@ 05:40 AM (3 months, 16 hours ago)
 
New Rule: Now that gas costs the same four bucks at every gas station, you can drop the nine-tenths-of-a-cent bullshit.
 
New Rule: Airlines should just get it over with and start putting passengers in the cargo hold. Let's face it. You've already taken away the leg room, the food, the pillows. The only thing left is to tag us, load us onto the conveyor belt - and let us fight over who gets to sleep on the bag of mail.
 
New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screen savers on computers. You know, I sat down to check my email the other day, next thing I know, it's three days later, I'm in the desert--I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and somebody has pierced my dick.
 
New Rule: We don't need a picture book about plastic surgery. My Beautiful Mommy is the new book written to prepare kids for that magical day when Mommy comes home from the doctor and they don't recognize her. Which is when Mommy should explain to the kids that after giving birth to them and nursing them, her Mommy parts needed a little sprucing up. And, since it's their fault, it's coming out of their college fund.
 
And, by the way, this book has already spawned sequels: Why Is Mommy Never Home Anymore? and Why Is Daddy Crying?
 
New Rule: If you get to bring your baby to work, I get to bring a Mexican mariachi band. The only difference, for twenty bucks, I can get the mariachi band to go away and annoy somebody else.
 
New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina has a sign out front that says, "Obama, Osama, hmmm, Are they brothers?" No, in fact, they're not even related, which is more than I can say for the married couples in your church.
 
New Rule: Liberals only get one bumper sticker per vehicle. Some days, I feel like I'm stuck in traffic behind the Huffington Post. Here's what I've learned while driving behind you: you are very concerned about global warming, and you're burning oil. Ironically.
 
And, finally, New Rule: I'm going on hiatus now. But, if John McCain can stay in Iraq for a hundred years, Hillary Clinton can stay in this election until I get back. Now, I know many of you are saying, "But, Bill, with you on hiatus, what will I do? Where will I get my news? Who will I petition to get thrown off the air?" Well, I'm sorry, but nothing stands between me and what I do during my break to give back: mentoring promiscuous runaways--for my charity, Hot Tubs Without Borders.
 
But, back to Hillary. Now, of course, there's the oft-heard refrain that she's behind in states, behind in the popular vote, and behind in the delegate count. But, I don't buy that, because I'm an American, damn it! And if there are three things I don't believe in, it's quitting and math.
 
And let us not forget as we say our adieu for this season, that there is a clear path to the nomination for Hillary. She just needs to raise a lot of money; she needs to woo a key group of super delegates and she needs Reverend Jeremiah Wright to rape a white woman.
 

2007/3/13

Scooter's wife wants to "BLANK" them!

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@ 06:43 AM (17 months, 25 days ago)
 
One highlight of the coming week will be watching Valerie Plame testify before Rep. Henry Waxman's committee.
 
Looking forward to it.
 
Plame is an intelligent -- and very beautiful -- woman. I suspect her testimony will rattle many in the WH, who are still peddling the line that she was not covert.
 
We can argue all night about whether she was still covert. What's important is exposing her as even formerly covert exposes Brewster-Jennings as the CIA front, exposes all the people she had contact with .. and puts them and whatever operations they were involved with in jeopardy. We'll never know how many of her contacts were killed.
 
And let us not forget that her area of expertise was WMD's ..
 
So, at least now we have confirmation that Vice President Dick Cheney's chief assistant, "Scooter" Libby, set out to discredit former Ambassador Joseph Wilson by secretly telling reporters his wife worked for the CIA -- and then repeatedly lied about it during a federal criminal investigation.
 
I'm glad that at least that much is confirmed.
 
Bill Maher was on Larry King last night and had some interesting things to say about the Libby verdict:
 
"MAHER: Well, you know, it obscured the real crime for a lot of people, those who were following the trial to begin with, which were not that many. But, yes, I mean Libby was a guy who lied us into a war and he worked on commission. And he got his war.
 
People forget that the reason why we haven't gotten to the bottom of the real crime was because he was lying. Patrick Fitzgerald said that. He said he threw sand in the umpire's face. So we never got to the bottom of the real crime, which was who outed this CIA agent?
 
And I know the right-wing likes to say ah, well, Valerie Plame, you know .. did she work for the CIA?
 
Yes. But was she really covert?
 
You know what? You work for the CIA. You work for the CIA. It's not CAA, OK?
 
If she wasn't undercover, it wouldn't have been a controversy that she was outed.
 
KING: Do you think it was because Bush mentioned in the State of the Union message about getting the nuclear materials? Why did they seem to overreact to this op-ed article by a kind of obscure ambassador?
 
MAHER: Well, it would be the same as if I pulled a little string out of your sweater. They were afraid that it would unravel the whole thing. And it sort of did.
 
It's so interesting. Bush mentioned that in his State of the Union speech in January of 2003. In October of 2002, George Tenet told the president you've got to take that out. We don't think it's true.
 
So something that was not true in October of 2002 became true again in January of 2003.
 
KING: Is "Scooter" Libby a fall guy?
 
MAHER: Yes, of course, because he was not the only one who was spreading this to reporters. They had some meeting -- Karl Rove was there; Ari Fleischer was there and "Scooter" Libby was there. And they said OK, guys, fan out, find some gullible reporters -- you know, Pulitzer Prize winners -- and tell them this about Joe Wilson and his wife, who works for the CIA -- whoops. Oh, I forgot. I guess I let that slip. Anyway, you tell them all what happened.
 
And -- some time after that, they must have had a meeting after the you know what hit the fan and said ooh, this has not gone as well as we hoped.
 
Who should we pin this on?
 
Well, Karl Rove is Bush's guy and he's the president. We can't do that. Ari Fleischer is the press secretary. Oh, "Scooter" Libby. Yes. He's the guy.
 
So this is why "Scooter" Libby, of course, has to have a pardon. He just knows way too much. You can't have him ticked off.
 
KING: So you have to pardon him?
 
MAHER: Yes. I mean you heard what his wife said after the verdict came in. I can't say it here on CNN, but she said, you know, we're going to -- we're going to BLANK them. And I don't think she was talking about the jury. I mean she was angry but I don't think she's John Gotti's wife.
 
But who was she so angry at?
 
I think it's at the people who threw her husband to the wolves."